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As per my resolution, I actually bought and read the paper yesterday. So here is the witty commentary on the news of the week for you.

Two weeks ago Prime Minister Thaksin (or as I like to think of him, ‘The Third Musketeer’) unveiled a new plan for dealing with the violence plagued southern provinces. Clashes between local muslim ‘insurgents’ and government officials has been continuing with absurdly horrific consequences. The so-called insurgents go around harassing and killing buddhists, muslims and officials alike, while the police respond by persecuting innocent civilians. The worst case involved the death of 83 protesters as the police had piled them one on the other in the back of truck for several hours in sweltering heat. The government has done nothing but defend the actions of its officers and soldiers whose apparent policy is to shoot first and not ask questions.

Thaksin’s brilliant new plan involved categorising villages into green, yellow and red zones, according to the magnitude of violence occurring in each. The red zones, obviously the most violent, could be exempted from receiving any government money through development schemes. The brilliance of helping the alienated and disenfranchised by alienating and disenfranchising them should be obvious to anyone. In fact, I’d say the brilliance of this plan is matched only by last year’s plan to drop a gazillion paper cranes from the air onto southern villages in a message of ‘solidarity’.

The plan, of course, received immediate criticism from nearly everyone, to which his response was, basically, “shut up”. But to his credit, PM T took a week off with a ‘sore throat’ and when he resurfaced the plan had been reconsidered. Some say he caved, but I like to think that we should support our leaders when they admit a mistake, and save the insults for every other day of the year. This week he has established a National Reconciliation Council to come up with better ideas. So at least now when they screw up, Thaksin can say “I told you so”.

On the less-political front Thammasat University’s Asst. Prof. Banjerd Singkhaneti called for Thailand to bring its liquor laws inline with the US, Britain, Australia, Switzerland and France. Because if we do it in the West, it must be best. Singkhaneti is calling for a ban of alcohol sales on Sunday, and to prohibit drinking in public parks and temples. I will give Mr. Singkhaneti the benefit of the doubt and attribute the following quote to the article’s author, Onnucha Hutasingh: “In the USA, people under 21 were not allowed to drink alcohol in public parks.” The following however, I will not. The assistant professor’s proposal also calls for a ban on sales to “groups of people such as children, pregnant women and drunks”. Yes, the government would do well to curb the sale of alcohol to drunks.

I assume that these proposed restrictions would be in addition to the recently instituted ban on the sale of alcohol between 11 am and 4 pm.

In nearby news, Burma is still fucked up. General Mutu Saepoe of the Karen National Liberation Army announced that they will continue to fight for independence as long as the military junta continue to be bastards. Not a direct quote.

Hundreds of migrants in Malaysia are making a last minute bid for humanitarian status as the nation is preparing to round up all the illegal immigrants, whip them, and send them home.

In weather news, Karen has reported that the high today was 39 degrees (celcius), the highest high not only in Thailand, but the entire world.